What is stopping you from loving your life, and yourself?
I am afraid of everything. Bats, snakes, mice, swimming, bugs, being vulnerable, not wearing makeup in public…most of all I’m afraid of that little voice inside my head. This fear is relentless! Everywhere i go, everything i do its there. Your shirt is too wrinkly, your house is too messy.. your hair looks terrible when its curly…your not wearing enough makeup, they will be able to see all your pimples… your shirt is not pulled down enough, your feet are so ugly, your legs are gross looking, why aren’t you pushing harder to change them, why weren’t you more successful in life…..why cant you look more like her? wow her teeth are so perfect and so white… i bet she just gets out of bed and looks like that… you look like a disaster when you get out of bed.. she is so fit you will never look like her..your not good enough… why are you such a terrible cook… don’t ever invite anyone over for your cooking they will not be your friend anymore… oh no what is he looking at me like that for… do i have something on my face, in my teeth, my makeup probably looks like shit… oh how embarrassing, go find a mirror so your not walking around like a disaster all day, hes probably staring at the ONE piece of hair that’s out of place…
Seriously you guys. WHAT. THE. F**K.
Why do we do this to ourselves? I know I’m not the only one. The many thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis our ridiculous! I used to listen to them…ALL OF THEM. I have reread this about 6 times now…. and these are real thoughts! Real struggles. All things i deal with every single day. They are ridiculous….they are superficial, and they DO NOT define me. They used to….but not anymore. Some of you may be reading this laughing at how crazy this is so far, and how ridiculous i sound admitting this to all of you.. but this is R E A L. These thoughts used to hold me back from even talking to people. Engaging in harmless friendly conversations with people, with my constant worry about what they were thinking about me, what they think is wrong with me! There are a lot of people in the world who think that I’m a total bitch because of it. BUT today I’m releasing all these fears into the world, and letting you guys know…. You do not have to feel this way either.
1.5 years ago I started this self love journey… with no friends, hating myself, and emotionally drowning in fear. It has not been an easy road, and i will always be a work in progress. But that voice inside my head is getting quieter everyday. And the weight of the world is slowly easing off of my shoulders…. and i wouldn’t trade my personality, or my body…….ME…..for anything.